My last post ended with me talking about taking a break from the neverending month after month of planned (unfun) sex with my husband and then the excitement/disappointment of wondering is this the time that I am going to become a mother. We took that couple months of a much needed break to regain our sanity and give it another try. The doctor said that one chance was all we were going to get this time around before we started on to others tests. So we went for it, and low and behold another month without any excitememt.
I was upset and couldn't figure out why they were only going to give us one shot when a normal pregnancy doesn't always occur after just one try. I gave up at this point though although I was given the option for another chance. It is such a hard and emotional roller coaster and mentally exhausting.
Our next option was to go in for a Hysteroadfhiads;fhafhsadfh something that I can't pronounce and always forget what it is called. The easy term is the they spread me eagle, feet in stirrups, and shoot dye into my fallopian tubes to make sure that my tubes are not clogged before they start on to the next process. Unfortanately insurance doesn't cover much for infertility and I had a $1000 deductible to meet before the insurance would pay/cover anything. So this is where we have been stuck for the last 2 yrs now I think, just waiting.
This whole process sucks on so many levels, because when you don't think that you can financially make it and it would just be easier to come up pregnant and then plan for it as opposed to just saying hey let's spend money that we do not have to bring a child into the world that we aren't sure we can support. Then the emotional ups and downs that you can go through on your own, it can all be confusing. It just makes you wonder why me?
I have new insurance since the process originally began but I think that they cover $2500 worth for a lifetime and that is it. Ok, so the first time works after the insurance covers it and then guess what baby #2 starts to creep into your mind and then oh well the insurance won't help us here, EVER AGAIN. It is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard of. You will help cover for families to not get pregnant and don't even get me started on whether there is an option for abortion. Every way to prevent or discontinue a pregnancy just not one that creates a baby, the most expensive part of it all. And heartbreaking at that when faced with these decisions.
I had this great friend that looks up infertility issues online and although I am too lazy or just don't think about it she finds these great things. She turned me on to this infertility seminar that was awesome and something that I really needed. I am lucky enough to only have spurts of times when not being able to have babies bothers me more than anything but for the most part my husband and I are happy with how things are in our lives. That will be my next week's blog, to have a kid or not to, that is definitely a good question!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Continuation of our journey!!
I haven't been on here in awhile. The last post I left was a very bad day for me, but I am feeling better now. I believe the post before that was a stop on our journey so I can continue from there. We had left the doctor's office in pain and moved on to the start of seeing an OB/GYN for the question of our infertility. Since I had missed my period, I was put on a hormone to jump start it again, I don't remember every detail about the journey and each of the steps from the beginning.
I found a dr in St. Peters because I refuse to see any of the doctors around where I live nor do I plan on going to the hospital in my area. I have heard or seen too much that I just do not like at all, I want a hospital that cares!! That is a whole different post so back on subject now!!
We went to see the OB/GYN to talk about our options and what our steps would be, she asked the usual questions, what we had tried, how long we had tried, etc etc. Explained not pregnant after a year of no protection or birth control, been through the ovulation tests, and I think that was it at the time, you might even be able to throw in taking prenatal vitamins. Many of things that I had read online during my search for the dream of becoming a mother.
The first thing that she had us try was the basal method, which is waking up and immediately taking your temperature while charting it and if there is a slight increase then have sex like rabbits. That didn't work, I believe that she asked if I had been tested for PCOS. I told her yes that my regular doctor had blood drawn but that the results showed nothing. She stated that I had the symptoms and that outweighs the blood work results. That started my PCOS diagnosis and from there the next steps took place.
I believe that the first month we started testing I had to get blood drawn so many days after my period started to test if I was ovulating on my own. The test confirmed that I was not so we started on Clomid, a medicine that causes your body to ovulate. This is the best part of the whole process, not!!
This part is actually the most stressful in my opinion. The day your period starts, you call the doctor to tell them, they call in your medicine, five days after your period starts you take the pills, so day 5-10 your taking the Clomid then days 10-20 your having sex every other day whether you want to or not, then I think the following week you have your blood drawn to see if your body ovulated. My hormone levels skyrocketed the first trial, I think they were in the 40s if I remember right. The nurse said good is 10, 20 is excellent so 40 was amazing and I think she thought I would become pregnant that month. You then have to wait, think you are feeling symptoms that are not really there and then suddenly your period comes and you go through the disappoinment and start the process again.
Next month same process although my numbers were no where close to what they needed to be this time, my nurse was just as disapointed as me. She didn't understand so we tried another time. This last time numbers higher but not as high as the first time, excitement and then lo and behold disappointment on the same try.
The next step was to test my husband's little swimmers. This was not fun at all, I tried to be supportive by being there, and helping, to the best of my ability but it was still "traumatic" for him!! We went to a place in the city because my health insurance covered it and it was closer to the doctor's office, since we had an appointment later that day.
They gave him the cup in a bag, told us to go to this restroom down the hall and come back when finished. We walked down this hallway, went in the bathroom, did our thing, and while finishing up there comes a knock on the door, several times too by the way. We come out and drop off the sample and leave for our doctors appointment.
We met a new doctor this visit because our other doctor left that practice and I did not want to move offices in the middle of what I was going through. Dr. Matusek was great, felt like someone that we could sit around our backyard with and drink some beer. She was laid back, didn't watch her language, when she shaked Keith's hand she remembered what he had just done previously and made a comment about that too!! She has infertility issues also, so that was helpful, she explained everything to us, what PCOS is, our other options such as adoption, shopping for new "swimmers", so on and so forth.
She decided that I had PCOS and since our three trials of Clomid weren't successful she wanted us to take a "break" and start on some Metformin. This medicine is actually used for diabetes but helps to regulate my hormones. They also tested his swimmers while we were on the break, another bump in the road came along about his swimmers. There were plenty of them but they were half dead so the results were not good at all because the place tested them after the 30 min window that they are alive.
We took that much needed break from our journey, started the meds (which suck by the way), and went in for another try...............
I found a dr in St. Peters because I refuse to see any of the doctors around where I live nor do I plan on going to the hospital in my area. I have heard or seen too much that I just do not like at all, I want a hospital that cares!! That is a whole different post so back on subject now!!
We went to see the OB/GYN to talk about our options and what our steps would be, she asked the usual questions, what we had tried, how long we had tried, etc etc. Explained not pregnant after a year of no protection or birth control, been through the ovulation tests, and I think that was it at the time, you might even be able to throw in taking prenatal vitamins. Many of things that I had read online during my search for the dream of becoming a mother.
The first thing that she had us try was the basal method, which is waking up and immediately taking your temperature while charting it and if there is a slight increase then have sex like rabbits. That didn't work, I believe that she asked if I had been tested for PCOS. I told her yes that my regular doctor had blood drawn but that the results showed nothing. She stated that I had the symptoms and that outweighs the blood work results. That started my PCOS diagnosis and from there the next steps took place.
I believe that the first month we started testing I had to get blood drawn so many days after my period started to test if I was ovulating on my own. The test confirmed that I was not so we started on Clomid, a medicine that causes your body to ovulate. This is the best part of the whole process, not!!
This part is actually the most stressful in my opinion. The day your period starts, you call the doctor to tell them, they call in your medicine, five days after your period starts you take the pills, so day 5-10 your taking the Clomid then days 10-20 your having sex every other day whether you want to or not, then I think the following week you have your blood drawn to see if your body ovulated. My hormone levels skyrocketed the first trial, I think they were in the 40s if I remember right. The nurse said good is 10, 20 is excellent so 40 was amazing and I think she thought I would become pregnant that month. You then have to wait, think you are feeling symptoms that are not really there and then suddenly your period comes and you go through the disappoinment and start the process again.
Next month same process although my numbers were no where close to what they needed to be this time, my nurse was just as disapointed as me. She didn't understand so we tried another time. This last time numbers higher but not as high as the first time, excitement and then lo and behold disappointment on the same try.
The next step was to test my husband's little swimmers. This was not fun at all, I tried to be supportive by being there, and helping, to the best of my ability but it was still "traumatic" for him!! We went to a place in the city because my health insurance covered it and it was closer to the doctor's office, since we had an appointment later that day.
They gave him the cup in a bag, told us to go to this restroom down the hall and come back when finished. We walked down this hallway, went in the bathroom, did our thing, and while finishing up there comes a knock on the door, several times too by the way. We come out and drop off the sample and leave for our doctors appointment.
We met a new doctor this visit because our other doctor left that practice and I did not want to move offices in the middle of what I was going through. Dr. Matusek was great, felt like someone that we could sit around our backyard with and drink some beer. She was laid back, didn't watch her language, when she shaked Keith's hand she remembered what he had just done previously and made a comment about that too!! She has infertility issues also, so that was helpful, she explained everything to us, what PCOS is, our other options such as adoption, shopping for new "swimmers", so on and so forth.
She decided that I had PCOS and since our three trials of Clomid weren't successful she wanted us to take a "break" and start on some Metformin. This medicine is actually used for diabetes but helps to regulate my hormones. They also tested his swimmers while we were on the break, another bump in the road came along about his swimmers. There were plenty of them but they were half dead so the results were not good at all because the place tested them after the 30 min window that they are alive.
We took that much needed break from our journey, started the meds (which suck by the way), and went in for another try...............
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Really?!?!?!?! So that is what you think........
Last night, for the first time in the 5 years that I have been with my husband our sister-in-law asked if we could babysit our two nieces in June while they go to an adult's only wedding. I am guessing that it must be a family member because instead of her parents, brother and sister-in-law, or sister and brother-in-law being asked we actually were. Although we were advised that they needed to sleep in their own bed!!
This was exciting and a shock to me because my oldest niece is 6 yrs old and we have NEVER been asked in any way shape or form to babysit them!! Of course we agreed because we have nothing to do ever and it would be fun!! We told her that was fine and we would be happy to watch them. We made a joke and asked if they would watch our three "kids" when we leave town the first weekend in May, even though we already have plans we just thought it would be funny!!
Of course, like everyone else they see our "kids" as animals and not part of the family. Their first question was what does that consist of? Ugh...the same as your kids, we may spoil our animals more than others but they are a part of our family even if we had kids. We are not going to just leave them in their kennels all day and all night to only be let out a few times to eat and potty!! I don't think so, we have keith's mom stay at our house because I do not even want them to sleep in their kennels all night long because they are not used to that. So yeah we would not even think to ask you for real because that would be too much for you to handle.
Well Keith told her it was a joke and right after that she called. Keith talked with her about having the kids over to swim that night. She said that was fine, Keith talked about not going to McDonald's because they offered to buy us dinner. She was talking us through what they do when they take them out to eat, which wouldn't matter to me but was nice advice. Then the worst part came, now that the kids are older and selfs-sufficient and easier to take care of we thought we would ask you guys. Really?!?!?!?!? And she even threw in no offense but now they can tell you what they want or need so they are easier.
Just because I can't or don't have kids does not mean that I am stupid and can't manage to take care of them myself. I have taken care of and been the "mother" for a short time for many of kids and don't need your kids to be self-sufficient for me to watch them. I can handle it now and could have handled it then. That is fine if you want to feel that way when they are smaller but then find out that I can manage but don't make it seem as though I am an invalid just because I CAN'T have kids. This was not a choice that I made and of course I play it off like it is nothing but it is to me.
That hurt me so badly then I had a dream about our infertility and what my husband's brother and sister-in-law think (or don't know) about it. I hate this, I have never felt so insulted in my entire life. It hurt me and of course bothered me enough to dream about it. Maybe you should ask how we feel about things or give us the opportunity to show you otherwise before you just assume. And then you want to say, again, no offense but we want them to sleep in their own bed. I am sorry that you don't treat animals the same as we do, regardless of children or not, I saw how you treated your last dog before you finally got rid of it. I am sorry that my house might not be perfect or smell the greatest but you know something my husband, I, and our "children" are perfectly happy with our living conditions and I am sorry that you are not. Our house is not filthy or in conditions that a human nor animal should be around. I still clean my house just as much as you and I may not bath my animals enough but you know something I live my life and enjoy it to the best of my abilities.
Makes me want to enjoy the time that they are with us and make sure that they have a blast. Thinking about taking them somewhere fun for the day, like the zoo, just to prove that we can and that they will have a blast with us.
This was exciting and a shock to me because my oldest niece is 6 yrs old and we have NEVER been asked in any way shape or form to babysit them!! Of course we agreed because we have nothing to do ever and it would be fun!! We told her that was fine and we would be happy to watch them. We made a joke and asked if they would watch our three "kids" when we leave town the first weekend in May, even though we already have plans we just thought it would be funny!!
Of course, like everyone else they see our "kids" as animals and not part of the family. Their first question was what does that consist of? Ugh...the same as your kids, we may spoil our animals more than others but they are a part of our family even if we had kids. We are not going to just leave them in their kennels all day and all night to only be let out a few times to eat and potty!! I don't think so, we have keith's mom stay at our house because I do not even want them to sleep in their kennels all night long because they are not used to that. So yeah we would not even think to ask you for real because that would be too much for you to handle.
Well Keith told her it was a joke and right after that she called. Keith talked with her about having the kids over to swim that night. She said that was fine, Keith talked about not going to McDonald's because they offered to buy us dinner. She was talking us through what they do when they take them out to eat, which wouldn't matter to me but was nice advice. Then the worst part came, now that the kids are older and selfs-sufficient and easier to take care of we thought we would ask you guys. Really?!?!?!?!? And she even threw in no offense but now they can tell you what they want or need so they are easier.
Just because I can't or don't have kids does not mean that I am stupid and can't manage to take care of them myself. I have taken care of and been the "mother" for a short time for many of kids and don't need your kids to be self-sufficient for me to watch them. I can handle it now and could have handled it then. That is fine if you want to feel that way when they are smaller but then find out that I can manage but don't make it seem as though I am an invalid just because I CAN'T have kids. This was not a choice that I made and of course I play it off like it is nothing but it is to me.
That hurt me so badly then I had a dream about our infertility and what my husband's brother and sister-in-law think (or don't know) about it. I hate this, I have never felt so insulted in my entire life. It hurt me and of course bothered me enough to dream about it. Maybe you should ask how we feel about things or give us the opportunity to show you otherwise before you just assume. And then you want to say, again, no offense but we want them to sleep in their own bed. I am sorry that you don't treat animals the same as we do, regardless of children or not, I saw how you treated your last dog before you finally got rid of it. I am sorry that my house might not be perfect or smell the greatest but you know something my husband, I, and our "children" are perfectly happy with our living conditions and I am sorry that you are not. Our house is not filthy or in conditions that a human nor animal should be around. I still clean my house just as much as you and I may not bath my animals enough but you know something I live my life and enjoy it to the best of my abilities.
Makes me want to enjoy the time that they are with us and make sure that they have a blast. Thinking about taking them somewhere fun for the day, like the zoo, just to prove that we can and that they will have a blast with us.
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