Today's blog, I have decided to talk about how and where it all began. I like that I can just let my thoughts out of my head for a change, and if someone reads them or doesn't, I don't care. This blogging is fun, I was thinking about what to write on my way to work this morning. I have an hour drive so plenty of time to think!!
I am sure that this journey started when I was born and then continued it's journey from the time I started my period when I was 11. I was on birth control from the time that I was 16, not because I was sexually active, although I was for the first time but because my periods were so unpredictable.
The first time that I was diagnosed with what they say I have, PCOS, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome was sometime in my early 20's. I went to the family planning office for my one year exam and birth control. I had asked the doctor why I was getting hair on my chin when I was so young and if that was normal. She stated that it was not and since I have a happy trail suggested that I talk with my doctor and be tested for PCOS.
I had no idea what that meant but looked it up online and read that it could cause infertility. I was upset but my boyfriend, at the time, was not ready to have a child with me. It sucked but I went to the doctor and had my blood drawn, she stated that my levels all appeared normal and that I did not have PCOS. That was a great day!! Skipped through a few pregnancies scares but nothing was ever official, I blame most of this on the fact that I wanted to be a mother so bad.
Fast forward a few years, out with the old boyfriend, by the way unprotected sex for at least a year using the pull-out method with no pregnancies, I just assumed we were really lucky, in with the new boyfriend turned husband!! We used protection, mostly birth control, until we decided that we were ready to become parents. We did the whole year of waiting, thinking I was pregnant each month, taking test after test, hoping/wishing, false symptoms, ovulation tests, and up comes a day that I am about two weeks late. I am used to being late for my period but this was very unusual for me, I took a test with a negative result but still no period in sight. I knew about that whole false negative and since I had NEVER missed my period in my whole life, I made a doctor appointment believing that this was it, finally. Keith and I started thinking about baby names and basically acting as though this was finally it.
I went to the doctor, explained everything, and peed in a cup, like I had a million times before. She came back with a negative result and I tried to hold back the tears. Luckily Keith was coming in after for his own appointment so I asked that he be brought back to console me.
From that point the doctor suggested that I see an OB/GYN since it had been a year with no results.
More to come later on my journey to motherhood..........
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
My first attempt at a blog!!
Thanks Dawn for turning me to doing this. I do not know how long it will last but maybe it will help me when I am having a bad day!!
My husband and I have been together for 5 years this coming July and married for four years in September. Our infertility journey started June 26, 2008, I know I know I remember the exact date. We decided that day that we were going to take our relationship as a couple to a new stage, going off birth control and letting nature take it's course.
Four years into that journey we have been through doctor visits, medications, blood tests, more medications, dissappointment, and many tears in the end we have come out with a broken heart, no hope, and no baby. Financially right now is not a good time, especially when there is no assistance for having a child only for getting rid of one.
We have had our ups and downs with this journey and a lot of good and hard times. I have met some other amazing women that understand my journey that I already knew before!! This helped me to feel as though I was not the only one out there. No one can ever understand the feelings you go through personally or as a couple but these woman can say more than others that have had the luxury of becoming a mother.
I have been through disappointment and also living with the reality, there comes a point when I am ok with it and then there are times when I am not ok with it. Right now I am on the struggling side of not being ok with it, I do not cry about it every day, week, or month but there are certain things that bother me now that I can't deal with like before.
I have lived with wanting to be a mother since, like my grandma says, I was knee high to a grasshopper. I imagined since I was little that I had lots and lots of children and I always longed for a little brother or sister. I finally was blessed with a little brother when I was 16 and he was 4, so that was one dream come true but I wish I would have been able to spend more time with him from the time that he was growing inside his mother until now. I still hate the fact that I don't spend as much time with him as I would like or should. As far as I know he still loves me the same!!
My husband and I have enjoyed not having children and there are still days when we do but those times that I wish I could be a mother still creep up from time to time. One of these times has been recently with seeing so many friends on Facebook announcing their pregnancies, the joys of finding out the sex of their unborn child, and talking about the firsts. It sucks and makes you feel so much smaller and inadequete than one should. Our current struggle now is financially trying to get ourselves back on track and then finding the money to take the next step with a place I found out about called PARINTS. This place has my hopes set that they can "fix" me and allow my husband and I to become parents. Right now I just do not feel that is feasible until we get our relationship, due to the stress of our lives, back on track also. I love my husband to death but when you are having struggles of any type sometimes a break from the things you want is best for a little while. We will get back to that point again, some day soon just takes time and change!!
I could go on forever but for now am going to leave you with this!!
Until the next time, enjoy!!
My husband and I have been together for 5 years this coming July and married for four years in September. Our infertility journey started June 26, 2008, I know I know I remember the exact date. We decided that day that we were going to take our relationship as a couple to a new stage, going off birth control and letting nature take it's course.
Four years into that journey we have been through doctor visits, medications, blood tests, more medications, dissappointment, and many tears in the end we have come out with a broken heart, no hope, and no baby. Financially right now is not a good time, especially when there is no assistance for having a child only for getting rid of one.
We have had our ups and downs with this journey and a lot of good and hard times. I have met some other amazing women that understand my journey that I already knew before!! This helped me to feel as though I was not the only one out there. No one can ever understand the feelings you go through personally or as a couple but these woman can say more than others that have had the luxury of becoming a mother.
I have been through disappointment and also living with the reality, there comes a point when I am ok with it and then there are times when I am not ok with it. Right now I am on the struggling side of not being ok with it, I do not cry about it every day, week, or month but there are certain things that bother me now that I can't deal with like before.
I have lived with wanting to be a mother since, like my grandma says, I was knee high to a grasshopper. I imagined since I was little that I had lots and lots of children and I always longed for a little brother or sister. I finally was blessed with a little brother when I was 16 and he was 4, so that was one dream come true but I wish I would have been able to spend more time with him from the time that he was growing inside his mother until now. I still hate the fact that I don't spend as much time with him as I would like or should. As far as I know he still loves me the same!!
My husband and I have enjoyed not having children and there are still days when we do but those times that I wish I could be a mother still creep up from time to time. One of these times has been recently with seeing so many friends on Facebook announcing their pregnancies, the joys of finding out the sex of their unborn child, and talking about the firsts. It sucks and makes you feel so much smaller and inadequete than one should. Our current struggle now is financially trying to get ourselves back on track and then finding the money to take the next step with a place I found out about called PARINTS. This place has my hopes set that they can "fix" me and allow my husband and I to become parents. Right now I just do not feel that is feasible until we get our relationship, due to the stress of our lives, back on track also. I love my husband to death but when you are having struggles of any type sometimes a break from the things you want is best for a little while. We will get back to that point again, some day soon just takes time and change!!
I could go on forever but for now am going to leave you with this!!
Until the next time, enjoy!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)