Wow, this isn't even what I wanted my post to be about today. I am having a rough time in my life right now but I got on here and was reminded that today has been 4 yrs. I think about how I don't feel infertile but then I think my husband and I have had unprotected sex for 4 whole years and we still only have furry 4 legged kids. I am going to the doctor on Thursday to see about getting my medicine adjusted. I have just been in this slump lately and I can't get out of it. I called in sick yesterday to have a day to myself to do absolutely nothing, but I feel every day that I just want to sit on the couch and enjoy life.
I talked with my husband last night about feeling like he doesn't want kids or he hates me. The hardest part about it is that financially we can't do it. We just have so much on our minds and plates it is just stressful for us. I have been watching Sister Wives and one of the wives is infertile. She said it best during her struggle with wanting another child that it would just be so much easier if it would just happen on it's own. Amen, sister!! Infertility causes so many stresses on so many levels, financially, in my opinion, being the second hardest part. It sucks because there is sometimes not much that can be done about either. How sad is it that I can't enjoy motherhood because of physical reasons and then to top that off financially it can't even be attained.
I think the biggest struggle is inside myself, I think getting my meds adjusted will help so much. My mind is just in a million places right now and I really hope that adjusting my meds will help me. Another sucky thing is that I have been struggling with my weight loss again. I was doing great, hit a few plateaus and sort of gave up, and then got a treadmill and fell in love with it and trying again.
Now all I have wanted to do lately is eat a horse, cry, and sleep. Sounds like pregnancy to me but I just got off my period and if I haven't struggled with infertility for 4 yrs I might think that is it. But nope the big "I" word takes the place of everything again. Then I wonder what good my metformin does when I read that some symptoms of PCOS are fatigue, weight gain, depression, and anxiety. Most of what I am feeling makes me wonder, could there be a different underlying issue or what is the problem? Hopefully the doctor can help me on more levels than just one!! Until next time!!
No comments:
Post a Comment